So a few months back I was asked to choose the Top 10 funniest blogposts I could find as a monthly roundup for BritMums? Luckily it is monthly, so it doesn’t have to be my funniest Top 10 of all time! Pressure off then. But where would I start and would people wonder what gave me the right to be judge and jury on these matters?
My answer would be – I have no idea. A couple of people apparently found me funny. You can turn the tables and judge for yourselves whether I have any conception of what is funny by reading the posts that I – perhaps unwisely- have categorised as those that will make you ” laugh out loud” . You just need to go to the category list on the right hand side of my main blog, click on Laugh out Loud there and you will find all my semi amusing posts neatly brought together. But I digress.
How do I find 10 hilarious posts among the 1000s of blogs out there. My first method was and is to ask on twitter and facebook for suggestions and submissions and that has proved fruitful and taken me to blogs I did not know – which was the idea as I wanted to be fair and inclusive.
Having said that, trying to be fair and inclusive has got me into a lot of trouble over the years – like the time I was asked out by a guy in a shoe-shop.
When I looked slightly doubtful about his proposition he asked mournfully:
“Why is it that a guy like me, can’t ask out a girl like you?”
I didn’t really know what he meant by a guy like him or a girl like me. But in the spirit of fairness I considered his point. Indeed, why shouldn’t he be able to ask me out – I mean apart from the fact I was only talking to him because I wanted to know if they had a size 6 in the patent turquoise; as far as I knew we had nothing in common; he was shorter than me and I was not attracted to him in any way.
As it happened, they didn’t have a size 6 in turquoise and I bought the five and a half – big mistake number one, as I could never wear them for more than five minutes at a time and they cluttered up my wardrobe for years.
Big mistake number two – as his shoulders drooped in resignation and I thought how dull it must be working in this shop etc. etc., I gave him my phone number.
The following day he rang me at home and my boyfriend answered it. Ah yes I didn’t mention that other quite large reason why it wasn’t OK to be asked out by a guy in a shoe-shop. Or at least why it wasn’t OK to accept.
Anyway boyfriend passed me the phone and listened intently while I agreed to meet this guy in a pub the following week. I put the phone down and was met by a pair of very raised eyebrows and questions along the lines of Who the f*** was that?
I tried to explain about how unfair it seemed and surely it would do no harm just to go for a drink, and well you may have guessed: the boyfriend went mental. (A word we used when we were 19, though I know it’s no longer socially acceptable. But as I’m a bit down at the moment and feeling a bit mad myself I’m hoping it’s OK?! And it does describe his reaction extremely well). Anyway boyfriend told me in no uncertain terms there was no way I was going on a date with this guy unless I wanted to “never see or hear from” boyfriend again, and he would take someone else to see Everything but the Girl.
This seemed a high price to pay and so with boyfriend glowering as he handed me the phone, I called shoe-shop boy back.
I explained I had a boyfriend and that I thought it would be fine to go for a drink as friends, but my boyfriend didn’t and so I was going to have to cancel.
Very unfairly I thought, shoe-shop boy also started getting rather angry and said I had led him on, I was a tease of a particular variety, then with the parting endearment “Bitch” he slammed the phone down.
Despite my sobs at the shocking unfairness of other people’s reactions to my attempts at fairness, boyfriend didn’t even fetch me a tissue.
I kind of learned my lesson and so I know I really can only have 10 funnies each week. Rules are rules. But that doesn’t mean others are not funny and they will be included later, because I am not dating any of you, so that fine isn’t it.
These are th 10 posts I chose back in January for my very first round-up. And as I was clearly in a nostalgic mood, I thought I would include some humour from my early blogging career. I started at about the same time as Honest Mum, VickyP, and this is one of the first posts she wrote and the one that I will always remember.
As I attempted to blog on iweb rather than a blogging platform that any other human had ever used, SJ Klemis repeatedly came to my rescue. Or she tried to – really there wasn’t much to be done apart form move to wordpress. But she held my hand and I learned early what a very supportive blogger she is so I wanted you all to meet her via this very funny post.
Another writer from my blogging youth (a year ago) is Liz Dawes, who shared her story of finding love second time around. She’s a great writer and I’m sure we were all reading, hoping this romance would work out (which it did!) She’s now started a new blog How to raise chickens in Peckham and this post is very funny indeed – and it’s happened to me!
Now on to some blogs and bloggers I have discovered in the last few weeks.
I really enjoyed this from Helen on her pork belly and subsequent trip to Bedford A and E in an ambulance– I’ve been there myself (to Bedford Hospital though not in an ambulance!) Shouldn’t really be funny – but it is!
My next choice is a things-kids-say – which you may know I often use for inspiration myself – taken to a whole new level with singing and dancing thrown in. There’s a series of posts on the subject -nipples- but I think I like this one best Big Black nipples again
Some blog-posts are funny, but still have a serious point to make. Several people suggested I take a look at Flossing the Cat and after laughing at her description of being criticized for having a dirty car at a carwash, I chose this funny but heart-felt post about the dilemmas of motherhood versus getting a job : Dear Boss
This one from Katy is bitter sweet about the after effects – long after – of being involved in a love triangle. I especially love her suggestion that unattractive men create a love triangle round themselves, so they seem more attractive. Some classic funny lines, but also plenty to ponder – Woman Scorned.
And when you go onto read about Kat Williamson’s experience of discovering she is not wearing her own knickers and then finding out who they belong to – you can’t help thinking, it could have been worse! The Moment I realised I wear Granny Panties
As it’s the Chinese New Year, I’m including some New Year resolutions from Up Yours Gina Ford. Apart from being funny you will learn some interesting facts about bathroom cleaner. Oh and as I was “once on telly”, I am about to make another of these resolutions come true (Just in case those on her wishlist Gino DiCampo or Same Difference are busy. Is it very wrong to not know who they are?) watch-your-back-2012-im-coming-for-you
And finally something completely different and off the wall from Stay at Home Dad and Proud. I wanted to include him as he’s a dad ( fairness, equality and all that) and my newest blogging friend – well we met on Friday and no fighting broke out, though admittedly we didn’t exchange phone numbers either. Anyway this is a hilarious take on crafting! Crafty Corner 5
Enjoy – and if you are suffering from the January Blues, Laughing out Loud is a great way of cheering yourself up. Far cheaper and quicker than therapy, or shopping!
That was my first top 10 and we are still going months later. So do please add links to funny posts here, as they are less likely to get lost than anywhere else. They do not have to be written in the last month – or even the last year. The only rule is – they should be funny.