A few weeks ago I was asked to write a monthly round- up of funny posts for Britmums – a Top 10 of funnies if you like. Obviously I can’t read the 3000 blogs written by Britmums members, so where to start?
My first method was to ask on twitter and facebook for suggestions and submissions which has proved fruitful and taken me to blogs I did not know. And then I included a couple I still remembered a year after I read them – they must be funny right?
And then …I had a quick look at other round up posts on Britmums and realised – no – this is not just a list of 10 posts – you have to write something – and presumably something funny. And then people reading it will think – well what’s so funny about you and who are you to judge. Oh dear this experience might not be so funny after all… And then what about the people you leave out, how are they going to feel. It’s nice to include everybody.
But then it reminded me of how trying to be fair and inclusive has got me into a lot of trouble over the years and so I wrote my post about the time I was asked out by a guy in a shoe-shop…
So this guy – we were teenagers- asked my name and told me his and then said – without any prompting that I remember: “Why is it that a guy like me, can’t ask out a girl like you?”
I didn’t really know what he meant by a guy like him or a girl like me. But in the spirit of fairness I considered his point. Indeed, why shouldn’t he be able to ask me out – I mean apart from the fact I was only talking to him because I wanted to know if they had a size 6 in the patent turquoise; as far as I knew we had nothing in common; he was shorter than me and I was not attracted to him in any way.
As it happened, they didn’t have a size 6 in turquoise and I bought the five and a half – big mistake number one, as I could never wear them for more than five minutes at a time and they cluttered up my wardrobe for years.
Big mistake number two – as his shoulders drooped in resignation and I thought how dull it must be working in this shop etc. etc., I gave him my phone number.
The following day he rang me at home and my boyfriend answered it. Ah yes, I didn’t mention that other quite large reason why it wasn’t OK to be asked out by a guy in a shoe-shop. Or at least why it wasn’t OK to accept.
Anyway boyfriend passed me the phone and listened intently while I agreed to meet this guy in a pub the following week. I put the phone down and was met by a pair of very raised eyebrows and questions along the lines of Who the f*** was that?
I tried to explain about how unfair it seemed and surely it would do no harm just to go for a drink, and well you may have guessed: the boyfriend went mental. (A word we used back then, though I know it’s no longer socially acceptable. But as I’m a bit down at the moment and feeling a bit mad myself I’m hoping it’s OK?! And it does describe his reaction extremely well). Anyway boyfriend told me in no uncertain terms there was no way I was going on a date with this guy unless I wanted to “never see or hear from” boyfriend again, and he would take someone else to see Everything but the Girl.
This seemed a high price to pay and so with boyfriend glowering as he handed me the phone, I called shoe-shop boy back.
I explained I had a boyfriend and that I thought it would be fine to go for a drink as friends, but my boyfriend didn’t and so I was going to have to cancel.
Very unfairly I thought, shoe-shop boy also started getting rather angry and said I had led him on, I was a tease of a particular variety, then with the parting endearment “Bitch” he slammed the phone down.
Despite my sobs at the shocking unfairness of other people’s reactions to my attempts at fairness, boyfriend didn’t even fetch me a tissue.
I kind of learned my lesson and so I know I really can only have 10 funnies each week. Rules are rules. But that doesn’t mean others are not funny and they will be included later, because I am not dating any of you, so that fine isn’t it…
So if you want to read something far funnier than this, take a look at Laugh out Loud roundup on Britmums to see who’s there and perhaps find some new bloggers to follow. And if you are not included and you want to be, you can join the linky there and add your own post.
Please leave suggestions for next month here or send me a link and message on twitter or facebook.
Now grab a coffee and enjoy Laugh out Loud
oh and please do leave comments or people might feel sad that noone thinks they are funny and that doesn’t seem fair does it ….